Kanye and Taylor: the Bette Davis and Joan Crawford of pop

Hip-hops premier leisurewear salesman insists hes responsible for Taylor Swifts fame. She disagrees. A bitter battle to the end is surely inevitable

Further dispatches from the awards-industrial complex, where controversy is created in advance so that it can be dramatically, sensationally addressed on stage come the big night. Budgets aside, its the same business model as Loose Women, where Katie Price tweets about doing something to her hair, then goes on the reveal to address the online reaction to the thing she did to her hair. Hair marketings ensue.

Frankly, it astounds me that people are frittering their hour away on displacement activities such as worrying about China and possible harbingers of global fiscal tragedy; if Twitter goes tits up, the entire showbiz economy will implode, and all western, metropolitan areas will resemble the last human city in The Matrix, which was so grim it literally had no pop-up anythings. Furthermore, its denizens all looked as though they were dressed by Yeezy outfitter Kanye West a vision that appears increasingly prophetic.

Anyway. We begin, of course, with Kanye and Taylor Swift, whose hideously dysfunctional symbiosis is fast turning them into the Bette Davis and Joan Crawford of pop. If there has been a higher camp awardings moment this season than Taylors pointed Dont you dare try to take credit for my Reputation! speech at the Grammys, then Lost in Showbiz would like to see it. If Versace did the Reichenbach Falls, it would look like this.

Joan Crawford( left) stars opposite arch-nemesis Bette Davis in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane ?. Photograph: Ronald Grant/ Aldrich

Taylor, to recap, was retaliating to a series of nasty outbursts by Kanye, most of which he unveiled at or in the wake of a malarial album-launch-cum-fashion-show last week, where the only thing missing was a guessed bubble above Vogue editor Anna Wintours head reading: Why cant he be more like my other pet, Roger Federer?

As far as Taylors would-be nemesis goes, my instinct is that Kanye is being a shade optimistic with his lyrical contemplation: I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex . That told, theres every chance the pair will end up embittered and billeted together in some sort of home for retired megatweeters. The entire tale is starting to feel as though its building toward a denouement that they are able to form the basis for series 11 of Ryan Murphys dramatically ironic American Crime Story. As for whom the people will be versus in this case, the smart money would be on Kanye, who hasnt been playing with a full keyboard since 2013. Even so, dont rule out Taylor, especially after that Blank Space video( remember, though, children: you merely have to be discomfited by stylised video violence when Rihanna does it ).

So where do they run from here? My hope is that Kanye and Taylor will move into paying each other compliments on their combat skills even as they try to destroy each other, like proper Worthy Foes. I can see Taylor remarking: Obi-Kim has taught you well, shortly before delivering some mortal online blow.

In the meantime, Kanyes ability to pass everything off as meta-post-modern performance art may well be bumping up against its outer restrictions. For instance, last weekends decision to use Twitter to ask Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg for a billion-dollar investment in his ideas( unspecified) appears not to have been an unqualified success. As for the impudent suggestion that his sister-in-law Kylie Jenner had signed a deal with Puma rival leisure cobblers to his Air Yeezy line Kanye announced last week that 1,000% there will never be a Kylie Puma anything, a statement that felt like a gold-standard guarantee there would perfectly has become a Kylie Puma something by this week. And so it has come to pass, with the Kardashian scion being unveiled as a face of the brand.

Poor old Kanye. I know hes the undisputed genius of this age and, indeed, of all ages. Even so, the character he most resembles currently is Mickey Mouse in the Sorcerers Apprentice bit of Fantasia. Please God Kim get home soon and angrily sorts out the mess hes made, otherwise well have to watch helplessly as he gets spanked to demise by his own enchanted broom.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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