Here at the Daily Dot, we’ve been on Courtney Stodden Watch ever since she accused her mom of making on both her 55 -year-old husband and the boyfriend she had at age 12. Stodden, once called “the world’s oldest 18 -year-old, ” lives in a diaspora of drama and intrigue that the rest of us can only pray to avoid for the entire duration of our short living on this earth.
Stodden , now 21, first came to national prominence for wedding a man three decades years her senior while she was just a teenbut oh, how she’s managed to stay in the spotlight. Whether it’s household bickers on Lifetime reality demonstrate TheMother/ Daughter Experiment: Celebrity Edition or the release of a sex tape involving ice cream and “titty sprinkles, ” the plasticine former child bride never fails to entertain.
But in the wee hours of Monday night, Stodden outdid her own genuinely immaculate record of breathy, sexy, over-processed weirdness and dedicated to the American people something they did not know was lacking from “peoples lives”: an Instagram video of herself prancing half-naked around a guy wearing a Bernie Sanders mask while Jason Derulo’s “Talk Dirty to Me”plays. Stodden squeaks “Talk Bernie to me” while puffing her lips out even farther than their silicone would normally allow.Is it an endorsement? Hard to tell, since Stodden looks remarkably unhappy throughout the lap dance. Her pout-n’-grind, robotically seductive though it may be, was likely to contain an anti-Bernie message. Would Bernie be a good strip club customer? On the one hand, yes: He believes that wealth should be evenly distributed.
On the other hand, were he to jab frighteningly upward into the air as “the mens” in the mask does in this video, we’re pretty sure no stripper would want to uncovered her vagina in his general vicinity.
And what of the prancing? Stodden’s high-knee steps, reminiscent of trotting demonstrate ponies in circus days of yore, seem to betray obstacles below. As she carefully lifts and replaces her tiny Barbie feet while slowly circling her preyer, Bernieit’s as if Stodden is fighting through the high grass of the Midwestern plains( representing, perhaps, the middle classes that Bernie so desperately wants to revive ). Or perhaps she’s high-stepping to avoid land mine: a clear avocation of Bernie’s commitment to lowering the defense budget and relegating the U.S. military to “last resort” status.
We may never know exactly where Courtney Stodden stands on the 2016 presidential candidatesher wiles are carried aloft by a luxurious subtextbut we do know that she’s an American treasure.
Photo via US Senate( PD) | Remix via Max Fleishman