Cinema is an art form capable of telling tales that can entertain, reflect, and inspire — but let’s face it, 100 percent of us have sat through a whole movie only on the off chance that there would be even a brief glimpse of nudity.( If you have HBO, stimulate that “a whole Tv series.”)
But the truth is, shooting even the steamiest sexuality scene is secretly as awful and uncomfortable as, well, sex in real life. And then you have famously erotic moments that took the behind-the-scenes awkwardness to a whole new level, like in …
6 The Wolf Of Wall Street : Margot Robbie’s Sex Scene Left Her Covered In Paper Cuts
Margot Robbie got to live out the fictions of every ‘9 0s teenager who wanted Leonardo DiCaprio to describe them like his French daughters when she appeared in The Wolf Of Wall street , where she shared a number of fairly steamy scenes with him. The movie tells the story of Wall Street huckster Jordan Belfort — which, candidly, works better when viewed as an Inception sequel in which DiCaprio severely abuses those dream-entering powers.Paramount Pictures
After firing his whole bandit crew and get a far better one .
Naturally, there’s a lot of sex in the movie, largely between Belfort and his wife( played by Robbie ). At one point they even do it on top of a huge heap of money, because a scene where they copulate on a bed full of electric bills and soiled pizza boxes would be too depressingly familiar for most of us.
Paramount PicturesParamount Pictures
That money is now worth twice as much from having touched the butt of attractive people .
Behind the scenes, though, things were decidedly unsexy. Sure, life could be worse than being paid to simulate sex with an Oscar-winner and former Growing Pains cast member( as long as his name doesn’t contain the words “Kirk” or “Cameron” ). It patently wasn’t too bad a deal for Leo either. But for Robbie, the scene had an unintended consequence — when she got up to get dressed, the crew gasped because her back, “theyre saying”, was covered in “a thousand red scratchings, ” as if she’d been whipped. Or like she’d been having sexuality on top of a pack of rabid cats, we guess.
It seems that, while it may seem cool( and might be some kind of complex allegory for America ), sex on top of fund is super unpractical, as it leaves you with more newspaper cuts than a bloodthirsty Kinko’s employee. Robbie definitely didn’t recommend it; even the back seat of an antique car on a fated steamship voices more comfy. We should note that, in the best interests of journalistic accuracy, we carefully examined every available photo of Robbie taken thereafter and couldn’t find any permanent scars, so there’s that.
5 Last Tango In Paris : Brando Couldn’t Remember His Lines, Wanted To Write Them On His Co-Star’s Butt
Last Tango In Paris is the story of a recently widowed man( played by Marlon Brando) having loads of anonymous sexuality with a young lady in 1970 s Paris. It was directed by Bernardo Bertolucci and, we’re think, paid for by the Paris Tourism Board.United Artists
If Paris hadn’t bid highest, this could have been called Last Tango In Sheboygan, Wisconsin .
But despite its groundbreaking, NC-1 7-rated portraying of raw sexuality driven by existential sorrow, things were pretty goddamn silly behind the scenes. This was mainly due to Brando, who was transitioning from his status as the devastatingly handsome greatest actor alive to the lunatic who refused to wear pants and demanded a dwarf sidekick. We’ve talked before about how this acting legend couldn’t be arsed to learn his lines and relied on cue cards, famously reading his Superman dialogue off of newborn Kal-El’s diaper.
Well, according to various biographies, Last Tango In Paris was no exception. Brando discovered dumber and dumber ways to hide his lines, like the time he scribbled some dialogue down on the sole of his shoe, which must have necessitated some rather elaborated positioning to read( then again, it’s a sex movie ). Another scene received him gazing to the heavens over his wife’s dead body — but even that poignant moment hailed by critics was him reading off some cards hidden on a far wall. It’s hilariously obvious when you know what’s going on.
“Even if a spouse lives 200 fucking years, he’s never going to be able to discover
his wife’s real nature. Wet paint. Do not touch.”
Oddest of all, with so many love scenes leaving no garments to hide cue cards, Brando came up with the suggestion of writing his promptings on Maria Schneider’s rear. Bertolucci said no, but it’s still disturbing to learn that Brando wanted to use his young female co-star’s butt as his personal butt-shaped teleprompter.
For those wondering if at least the filmmaker behind the picture wasn’t also crazy: He was quoted as telling that the actors and actresses inducing the movie were the “prolongation of my penis” and, “Like Pinocchio’s nose, my penis grows.” So, yup, this Oscar-nominated flick was made by a guy who needed script inspires from an ass and a director who subscribed to the most dubious penile enlargement technique ever.
4 Basic Instinct : The Director Tricked Sharon Stone Into Exposing Herself
The early-‘9 0s thriller Basic Instinct is recollected less as a movie and more as an endurance exam for the pause buttons of Blockbuster’s perviest patrons. In the most famous scene, Sharon Stone’s character( an accused killer) is grilled by the police and, instead of the very best cop/ bad cop routine, they hire the little-known tactic of lighting the interrogation room like an underwater Abercrombie& Fitch and staring at her like she’s 3D puzzle art.
TriStar PicturesTriStar Pictures
Why does this interrogation room have nicer chairs than most presidential palaces ?
Of course, we all know what happens next: She crosses her legs and isn’t wearing any underwear — either because she forgot to put one across undies while she was busy murdering people or this is a shameless, throwaway bit of nudity. Still, it’s an intensely erotic scene … that also maintains cutting to fucking Newman from Seinfeld , making one wonder if this whole movie isn’t just some kind of academic project researching boner confusion.
TriStar PicturesTriStar Pictures
To be fair, every ‘9 0s movie was legally required to hire this guy .
Anyway, while a lot of us were surprised to assure Stone’s vagina in a movie, so was Stone . According to her, she was talked into going commando because otherwise the white of her panties would be visible in the shot, but her character’s nudity was supposed to be communicated through “innuendo.” She specifically told the director, Paul Verhoeven, she didn’t want to actually reveal anything on camera. She said, “And he’s like, ‘No , no you’re not going to.’ So I devoted him the underwear, set them in the pocket of his shirt.” The director put her underwear in the pocket of his shirt? That’s not a cinema production; that’s an American Apparel shoot gone … well, alarmingly routine.
Even shittier , no one bothered to notify Stone that her scene had been turned into the cinematic equivalent of a sex offender’s iPhone until she was watching it on the big screen with a crowd of people that almost certainly weren’t all doctors. Adding to the sleaze-factor, Verhoeven claimed he was taking “revenge” on Stone for not doing nudity in Total Recall . Thankfully, Stone barged into the projection kiosk and slapped Verhoeven in his lying face — something the movie-going public would all want to do merely a few years later.
“Why isn’t Jessie freaking out about Slater and the SATs? This movie has no respect for canon.”
3 Eyes Wide Shut : Tom Cruise’s Part Was Originally Intended For Woody Allen Warner Bros .
In Stanley Kubrick’s sex-filled final movie, Eyes Wide Shut , Tom Cruise plays a well-to-do New York doctor who gets involved in a creepy underground fuck-fest after his wife( played by Nicole Kidman) admits she likes another dude. A real-life couple at the time, Cruise and Kidman appear in a number of astonishingly graphic scenes, but they were probably just happy to point out that there other crazy cults in the world besides the one they belonged to.Warner Bros .
“Hail Hydra.”( What cult did you think we were talking about ?)
In addition to being naked quite a bit and having simulated sex, Cruise famously pops by a crazy revelry for rich person with Phantom Of The Opera fetishes … but another beloved Hollywood icon nearly did those things. Clue: His first name is a synonym for “penis.”ABC Studios
This is exactly as unfeasible as him voicing the lead character in a DreamWorks family movie .
Turns out Kubrick had been developing the project since the ‘6 0s, when Cruise was presumably simply a glint in the eye of the foreigner overlord who psychically impregnated his mother. According to Kubrick’s long-time producer and brother-in-law, Jan Harlan, the original casting selection to resulted the erotic thriller was the poster son for neuroses and marrying your girlfriend’s children: Woody Allen — which, given what we now know about the guy, might have ended up testing the boundaries of human regurgitation.
The idea was to make a inexpensive black-and-white art-house movie with Allen, then a burgeoning comedian, playing the New York doctor. Kubrick set the project aside because it was too difficult at the time, but he tried to pursue it again the ‘7 0s … at which point he thought the lead role was perfect for Steve Martin. This was back when Martin was known for being almost inhumanly wacky, long before he started taking more challenging roles like Cheaper By The Dozen 2 and The Pink Panther 2 . If nothing else, we’ve became aware that Kubrick apparently supposed Tom Cruise was fucking hilarious.
Warner Bros .
“So, anyway, there’s this ancient alien soul in your body attaining you unhappy, and … “
2 Masters Of Sex : Michael Sheen Was Vomiting Between Takes
Sony Pictures Television
Masters Of Sex is the Showtime program about Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, pioneers in the field of the academic survey of get busy. It stars Lizzy Caplan and Michael Sheen, whom we’re guessing is the actor Martin Sheen tells people is actually his son.Sony Pictures Television
It appears feasible .
The reveal tells the story of the real-life Dr. Masters( who for some reason didn’t change his name to Dr. Phd after reaching his degree) and the research deputy who eventually becomes his partner and spouse. Since having a show about Masters without sexuality would be like inducing Breaking Bad with no meth or The Walking Dead without petty squabbling, there’s understandably a lot of doing it. One key moment in the indicate goes when the two partners scratch their naughty bits against one another under the guise of furthering their research.
Filming the scene, though, was less erotic and more “morning after your 21 st birthday” shitty. For starters, Caplan tells, as they approached the moment when Sheen had to touch her breast, she noticed he seemed “bad” and his hands were shaky and “clammy.”
Sony Pictures Television
“I’m merely such a big fan of you. ‘Hot N Cold’ and ‘California Girls’ meant a lot to me.”
This actually helped Caplan feel better about her own nervousness … until Sheen released her boob and instantly walked over to a garbage can and retched. Unbeknownst to Caplan, Sheen was suffering from food poisoning. After finding out that she wasn’t the cause of his abject nausea, Caplan and Sheen got through the scene, proving that you can eat discount seafood the night before filming a love scene and still perform adequately enough.
1 The Seven Year Itch : Marilyn Monroe’s Iconic Dress Scene Was Originally Full Of Horny Gawkers
20 th Century Fox
When you picture Marilyn Monroe, your mind’s eye likely conjures the iconic scene in which she lets the draft of a metro develop get to second base.20 th Century Fox
New York’s mole people masturbated themselves into oblivion after this .
The scene is from the Billy Wilder movie The Seven Year Itch , about some guy’s midlife crisis and not a particularly virulent strain of chlamydia. But, despite the timelessness of the image, it has a pretty terrible backstory. The original shoot of the scene was done on locating in New York , not to capture a sense of authenticity not possible on a soundstage but to drum up some inexpensive advertising. A good 5,000 people collected around — less to watch cinema history be made and more to gawk at Monroe’s legs and take mental images for subsequently use.20 th Century Fox
Their eyeballs now fetch thousands on eBay .
The mostly male mob wailed things like, “Higher! Higher! ” likely referring to her dress and not just the American economy of the ‘5 0s. Of course, a mob hollering lewd comments is usually antithetical to moviemaking, and not surprisingly the scene had to be totally reshot on a soundstage. But, because his endgame was apparently creating public interest in his movie even at the expense of his star’s dignity, Wilder continued to shoot the scene because of the newspaper reporters met, for at the least 15 takes.
Some even suspect that this event may have led to her divorce from Joe DiMaggio, who supposedly stormed off the define because, according to Wilder, he “didn’t like his wife putting herself for display.” Of course, this is coming from the guy who was actually the one putting her on display instead of constructing the damn movie.J.M. McNab co-hosts the pop culture nostalgia podcast Rewatchability, which can also be found on iTunes. Follow him on Twitter @Rewatchability . Also check out The 12 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Sex Scenes Ever and 24 Sex Scenes Too Weird For Anything Other Than Video Games . Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Hilarious Behind The Scene Details Of A Movie Sex Scene, and other videos you won’t insure on the site !
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